Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
