remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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