If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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