It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
