I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
