i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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