And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
