My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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