I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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