it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
