We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The beer is more important than you right now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
