I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
