there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
