I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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