And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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