Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
