He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
