So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
