now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
