here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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