you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
