how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
