just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am available for nakedness
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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