i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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