shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
