Sponge bath it is.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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