I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
