last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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