You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
