do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
