that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
