I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
