god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
