I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
