Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
