just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
