I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize