Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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