Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
