doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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