Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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