Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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