Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
