mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
