I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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