so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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