I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
