I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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