didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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