sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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