oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
one might say we're banned from that church
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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