my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
