i just made my gag reflex go away.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
