peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
