The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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