I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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