morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Found your dick twin last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
