the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
