you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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