I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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