Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
