Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
