woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
