She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
