Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You ruined the universe
Randomize
