Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
