I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize