what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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