I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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