Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize