I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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