...so i touched it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
