K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize