I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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