Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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