Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
