Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
