The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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