sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
