If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
