Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
