he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
