ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
