Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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