I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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