I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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